


Modulation

by MadameHardy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual Character, Booty Call, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameHardy/pseuds/MadameHardy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade and John have always been the best of friends, before Sburb and afterward.   Now they're seniors in college, and Jade needs a small favor from the best of all possible Egberts.</p><p>GG: its been a long dry spell!!!<br/>GG: no time for boyfriends or girlfriends or trollfriends or any kind of horizontalfriends!!!<br/>GG: i was thinking about a fusion-powered vibrator but then i thought of you!!!!<br/>EB: ...<br/>EB: thanks for the compliment.<br/>EB: i guess.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Modulation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mahwaha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahwaha/gifts).



Everybody knew John didn't date. Rose diagnosed him as asexual and offered to share charts and statistics. John, typically, said he didn't want to think about it. Dave, atypically, refused to comment, saying only, "He's my bro." Karkat, mercifully, said nothing. He'd given up years ago, saying -- shouting! -- that humans not only didn't have quadrants, they didn't have anything that made any sense at all.

Jade didn't give it a thought until one bleak Wednesday, halfway through an even bleaker February.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist[EB] \--  
GG: john can you talk?  
GG: john?  
EB: sorry, i was working on four against three.   
EB: it isn't quite right yet.  
GG: is that a videogame thing?  
EB: it's a key board thing, dummy!   
EB: what's up?  
GG: its been a long dry spell!!!   
GG: no time for boyfriends or girlfriends or trollfriends or any kind of horizontalfriends   
GG: i was thinking about a fusion-powered vibrator but then i thought of you!!!!  
EB: ...  
EB: thanks for the compliment.   
EB: i guess.   
EB: don't build death toys, jade. we've destroyed enough universes.   
GG: deathtoys are fun!!! :p anyway i can figure out another power source if youre going to be such a spoilsport!  
EB: if you ask dirk or equius to help, let me know so i can take pictures.   
GG: dont be silly! the last thing i need is an articulated horsecock!!!!  
EB: bluh.   
EB: i did not need that image.   
EB: i SO did not need that image.   
EB: this conversation is over.  
GG: ...  
GG: im really sorry john  
EB: ...  
EB: its okay, jade.   
EB: just ... i don't want to know what either of those two gets up to.  
GG: im really sorry!!!!   
GG: i wont talk about what I get up to any more its just rude.  
EB: i don't mind talking about you. you're one of my best friends. and you don't like horses, ick.  
GG: at least not that way!!!!  
EB: at least not that way.  
EB: ...  
EB: what do you like that way?  
GG: two person orgasms  
GG: otherwise im not picky  
EB: not three or six?  
GG: not so far!!!!   
GG: unless you know two or five available nice people?   
GG: i really do no joking feel kind of desperate  
EB: anything for one of my best friends. okay, jade. my roommate is away for the weekend, i'm caught up on all my classes, and i could use time away from miroirs anyway.   
GG: awwww youre so sweet john!!!   
GG: you shouldn't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.   
GG: i can rig up a shower massage with no nuclear stuff at all i promise!  
EB: sex doesn't make me uncomfortable, jade, i just don't go looking for it. you're one of my very best friends, and you always will be. besides, it can be fun.  
GG: youre the best!!!   
GG: so you me my room naked half an hour?   
EB: right, half an hour.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

Forty-five minutes later John knocked on the note-plastered door of Jade's single dorm room. The door slammed wide and Jade leapt into a full-body hug; for once, she'd remembered to wrap a towel around her tall self. John hugged right back. He began to pull away, but when Jade hugged you, you stayed hugged: your entire torso got full-impact Jade-time. That was what made Jade great. If she liked you, she really liked you, not holding anything back.

Jade yanked John into the room, slammed the door closed, and dropped the towel, revealing herself completely naked, still sparkling with water-droplets. John took a moment to admire her smooth, muscular brown body, rounded and sleek as a seal's.

"What took you so long?"

"I was working on the Ravel and I lost track of time. 'Miroirs' is hard, Jade, it is hard and nobody understands."

"Anything else hard that needs practice?" She gave him an exaggerated wink.

"Does it count toward my recital?"

"Can't hurt. Tension release before a performance, right?"

John cupped Jade's chin in both hands and held her in place for a moment, admiring the sharp contrast of her white-furred ears against her dark hair, the deeps of her green eyes, the wicked smile on her generous lips, the perfect Jadeness of her. He pulled her forward into a kiss. Jade was a very good kisser. She put her heart, not to say some first-class tongue action, into it. John nibbled her lower lip; she "mm"ed low in her throat.

Then she bit his top lip. Hard. 

"OUCH!" John jerked back, scraping his mouth further as he made his escape. "Take it easy! I know you've got his ears, but I do _not_ want to kiss Bec."

Jade wiggled the ears in question. "Whoops, sorry. Can I lick it to make it better?" 

"Drop it. Good girl."

Jade hung out her tongue and gave a couple of pants just to stay in the spirit of the thing, then said, "Fine, no teeth. Spoilsport."

"While we're at it, please be really careful about my hands. I need them."

Jade looked genuinely baffled. "What do you think we would do to your hands that would damage them?"

"I have no idea, just don't."

"Well, neither do I, so you're safe. I won't touch your hands unless invited. Anything else? It isn't too late to back out, John. We can just sit down and talk, and that's fine. I love hanging out with you."

John smiled at Jade's worried face. "It isn't a problem, Jade. I like you, and I like being here, and I'll tell you if there's anything I don't like. "

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Jade beamed. "In that case, _some_ body's wearing too many clothes!" She began trailing a hand down John's chest, but stopped dead at the logo on his T-shirt. "The National? _Really_? Because Game of Thrones?"

John rolled his eyes. "Jade, if I wanted my music insulted, I'd ask Dave! If this is your idea of sexy talk, you lose."

"Oh, sorry, sorry, I'm getting this all wrong!" Jade stepped back from him, crestfallen. "Let's start all over again." Her ears twitched forward, her green eyes met John's, and she held out both hands. "Mr. John Egbert, I like you very much, I like your body very much, and I would like to romp all over you in that bed over there. Do you accept?"

"Absolutely!" John pulled his T-shirt over his head and looked around. He had meant to drape it neatly over a chair, but the only chair in the room was overstuffed with squiddles bearing more Post-It notes. Jade might not be taking unexpected naps any more, but she still liked reminders of what not to forget. John shrugged and dropped the shirt on the scarred wooden floor. Jade reached out and kneaded his ass, squeezed his crotch -- not fully hard yet -- then started fiddling with his belt buckle.

And fiddling. 

And fiddling.

John looked down. "Can I help with that?"

"Uh... yeah. I'm sorry. I can't figure it out."

"It's a latch, Jade. Like a seatbelt. You just lift one side up."

"Ohhh, right. Seatbelt." Jade frowned a moment, pried at at the wrong side, then popped the buckle open with a radiant smile of accomplishment. She managed the fly buttons without a hitch -- thank heavens -- and pulled John's jeans and boxers together down his hips and his legs, where they promptly jammed around his ankles, forming a neat pair of hobbles. 

"Uh, Jade? Let me do that?" Unfortunately, Jade was still yanking. John overbalanced, put a hand out to fend off the desk, and fell backward onto the floor. He lay on his back, contemplating the very boring beige ceiling.

A worried face appeared above him. "John? How many fingers am I holding up?"

He brushed her hand away. "I'm fine, it's just hard to stand up when your pants are tying up your ankles." Reading the look in her eyes, John said, "Down, girl."

Jade sat down beside him on the floor. With a rush of affection, John sat up, reached out, and scratched between her ears. She growled softly. John was very, very glad he'd made the no-teeth rule.

"My ass is getting cold, John."

"Who dragged who down on the floor anyway?" John pulled off his own socks and sneakers, dropped them beside the desk where he couldn't trip on them, then threw his pants and boxers on top. "Miss Harley, shall we go to bed?"

"Absolutely, Mr. Egbert."

John stood up, then looked down at Jade, naked but for the dark waterfall of her hair, curling her knees under her to stand. She was perfect. Why wasn't there a line at her door? With one of those little rolls of paper numbers and a light to show who was next?

"Jade, you're one of the best people I know. You're nice. You're funny. You're outgoing. You're gorgeous--"

"So are you, except for the outgoing part!"

"--so I don't get why you're making booty calls to me, of all people."

Jade sat back on her heels and rolled her eyes. "I'm a physicist. I hang out with physicists. Physics majors are _really **really**_ busy. After you subtract three or four hours for sleep, it is super unlikely that any two physics majors will be free at the same time." 

"Music majors are really busy, too, you know, but somehow they make time. You should _hear_ what goes on in the practice rooms." John winced. "And sometimes smell. Aha! What about makeouts in the physics labs?"

"Theoretical physicist, dummy. No labs, just me and my trusty mind."

"It's a nice mind," said John, reaching down to pull her up to her feet.

"No, you're nice!"

"No, you!" He pulled her back into his arms -- mm, Jade-skin -- and started kissing her again. This time, with no teeth, it was lovely: Jade's belly and breasts pressed into his chest, her wide, soft mouth against his, her tongue licking just along his lips. He returned the kiss with enthusiasm, until Jade opened her mouth a little further. 

John couldn't resist pursing his cheeks, then blowing out hard. There was a loud spluttering noise and Jade shoved at his shoulders.

"JOHN EGBERT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

"Working on my embouchure, " said John innocently.

Jade stood, hands on hips, glaring at him. "What the fuck is an embouchure?"

"It's what you need to play trump --"

"" _Stop right there, John_. I am not a trumpet. You don't even _play_ trumpet. And you aren't as funny as you think you are. If you have to prank somebody, prank Dave! I asked you here for sex, not jokes. Are we clear?"

"Absolutely," said John, with his fingers crossed behind his back, then reached out with both arms, took her hands, and led her back to her cloud-covered bed. 

***

A pleasantly sweaty half-hour later Jade lay pressed back to her bed with her eyes closed, stroking her fingers through John's thick hair. His mouth was on her clit, tongue moving in slow circles, his left hand tapping irregularly on her belly. It wasn't bad, exactly, but something felt--

"John, are you humming 'Bolero'?"

"Um, yeah."

Jade opened her eyes and glared. John grinned unrepentantly against her, then slid his mouth further down, licking her vulva, then pressing in with his tongue. Jade arched her back. John slid his left hand down her breast, swirled around her navel, and continued to her clit. He began vibrating his forefinger softly but rapidly. Jade threw her head back again and gasped. "Oh, God, John, _now_ what are you doing?"

He pulled his mouth away -- nooo! -- and said,"Sixteenth-note triplets. Like it?"

"Yessssss."

She pushed his head back down. He grinned, then obediently returned to licking and caressing.  
_Fucking a musician has advantages after all_ , thought Jade, then gave herself up to John's skillful caresses. 

It was a bleak Thursday in an even bleaker February. Jade had, at last, thought about John's sexuality, and had come to her own conclusions. Good lover, best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> John is -- or would be, if Jade hadn't pestered -- practicing [Alborada del gracioso](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCKDG7w2S9c) from Ravel's "Miroirs".
> 
> Written to satisfy this prompt:  
> Quad: Red, pale, or queerplatonic with benefits.
> 
> John’s in the asexuality nebula - somewhere between gray and “eh sex is a’ight if you want my d” - and is pretty on board with giving Jade a hand when she wants it. Who wouldn’t want to give Jade a hand? Jade is great. A+ for Jade. And Jade really appreciates the extra hands, really! Very kind of John to offer, you know? John is like at least a 6/10 if someone’s gotta grade and usually the extra hands are very handy.
> 
> Except for some times. This is one of those times; the sexual encounter is laughtastic. Not unpleasant, but just so damn hard to take seriously for everyone involved. Give me the goofy sex fuck-ups, the not-unhappy accidents, and the moments that will be turned into late-night stories with drunk pals.
> 
> I didn’t tag for incest as a green light to make the as related or unrelated as you please. Feel free to toss this into an AU of your choosing, because AUs are great. Tall, beefcake Jade brings me joy. John is the best Pillsbury Doughboy in all the land. You’re invited to make one or both of them non-cis; I don’t have specific headcanons I’m gunning for, but it’s always a delight for me to receive. Same goes for POC - use your favorite headcanons there. You can’t go wrong.


End file.
